Even when you begin with the Titanium Rule of “Do unto others according to their druthers.” it’s not so easy to figure out how to put that into action. Claire Raines and Lara Ewing of The Art of Connecting suggest five core principles to guide your mindset for successfully connecting to other people.
There’s Always a Bridge
When we encounter someone our brains often search for the difference and focus on that. It’s hardwired into our brains as part of detecting threats for survival. But when you want to connect with someone, you need to have the belief and expectation that you have something in common with them.
Curiosity is Key
Allowing yourself to be curious and ask questions and be interested in others drives the ability to find bridges. It is also a way of giving yourself permission to be flexible.
What You Assume is What You Get
When interacting with others you often see what you expect to see. There are studies showing that this effect is measurable in various contexts. One of the more known is when teachers were told their students were gifted (instead of specifically chosen to be average) and the test results at the end of the year backed up the expectation.
Each Individual is a Culture
Demographics are only the beginning. You can try to become sensitive to liklihoods but you cannot rely on them. You don’t know for sure about where someone has grown up or if they spent an influential summer in an unusual place or happened to discover a new hobby through an accidental internet click.
No Strings Attached
When we go to the effort to be open, we want the other person to do so as well. We want them to recognize how we’re doing a good job and reciprocate. But the best mindset for connection is to deliberately set aside this desire.
Mindset Mechanics
Mindset can be a hard thing to change because it’s internal and you can only really affect your actions. Some things you can do to stay in a helpful mindset are to review core principles right before entering into a meeting with a new person and the looking back over how things went afterwards. What might have been different if you had been able to hold onto your open mind? You can also use many other techniques developed by the personal development experts.
