Authors of books and short stories get to choose whose eyes they and the readers see through when they write a story. These same tools can help us connect with each other.
First Person
The first person is the one we understand best. It is our own point of view and our own voice. In writing, it is when you see sentences about “I did this,” and “I did that.” As a reader, you can only see what that one character is saying and feeling and knowing.
When it comes to connecting to other people, one counterintuitive step is to first embrace our own point of view. If we know our own preferences and prejudices it helps us understand and control our emotional reactions.
Second Person
This one isn’t used much in fiction, but more often in instructional materials, when the author is speaking directly to the reader, focusing on their experience and bringing them into the writing. This article is in second person.
When considering this important perspective for connecting with others, it takes on a slightly different slant. You’re not just speaking to them, you’re putting yourself in their shoes. You look at the other’s background and assumptions and so forth and consider how they might be feeling and what conclusions they might come to.
This can be considerably different to what you yourself would do. Yet you’ll know if you’re doing it right when you come to the same conclusion that the other person did. When you realize you would have taken the same actions.
Third Person
This is the point of view we see most when we read. It is when a story is narrated from the point of view of someone not involved, often someone who knows everything about everything, including things that the individual characters involved would never know. In non-fiction it is often an impersonal voice.
When it comes to forming connections, this is taking the time to step back and view the point of difference as someone without any interest in the matter would. It can be extremely difficult, but it lets you see options and possibilities that you can’t from either your point of view or that of another involved person. This point of view gives you permission to think differently.
Putting It All Together
With practice, you can cycle through these points of view quickly and use them to improve your own reactions. With even more practice you can hold multiple points of view in your mind at once and develop new ideas from them. Whether a situation seems simple or complex at first glance there is something to learn from at least making the attempt to cycle through potential viewpoints.
The ideas of relating the points of view in writing to mental exercises we can use were drawn from The Art of Connecting by Claire Raines and Lara Ewing.
